Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
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>> It out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
>> someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a
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>> Phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
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>> A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I
>> please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in
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>> My ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on
>> me.
>> I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude
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>> When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I
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>> Had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with
>> her, I
>> decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the
>> phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
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>> I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it
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>> In my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had
>> a
>> really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always
>> cheered me up.
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>> When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling
>> would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,this
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>> Is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're
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>> Familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the
>> phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
>> asshole!" and hung up.
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>> One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.
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>> Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
>> patiently
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>> Waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that
>> spot,
>> but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back
>> window,
>> so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right
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>> After calling the first asshole (I had is number on speed dial,) I
>> thought
>> that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
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>> I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said, "Yes, it
>> is."
>> I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at
>> 34
>> Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked
>> right
>> out in front."
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>> I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked,
>> "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening
>> after five."
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>> I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
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>> He said, "Yes?"
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>> I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"
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>> Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
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>> Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
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>> Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I
>> said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you
>> still
>> there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make
>> me,"
>> He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah?
>> Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in
>> Fairfax,
>> a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm
>> coming
>> over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
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>> Your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung
>> up.
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>> Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He
>> yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He
>> exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's
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>> Your chance. I'm coming over right now."
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>> Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
>> 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill
>> my
>> gay lover.
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>> Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree
>> Blvd.
>> In Fairfax.
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>> I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just
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>> In time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front
>> of
>> six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
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>> NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
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