Picture this.....
> The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
> surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
> was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm
> off now. The man should be here soon."
>
> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
> happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
> Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
>
> "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
> expecting you."
>
> "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
> know babies are my specialty?"
>
> "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have
> a seat".
>
> After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
>
> "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
> couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
> floor is fun. You can really spread out here."
>
> "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
> and me!"
>
> "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
> we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
> angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>
> "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
> "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
> In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with
> that."
> "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
> his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
>
> "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
>
> "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
> their mother was so difficult to work with."
>
> "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>
> "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
> job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
> a good look"
>
> "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
>
> "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours,
> too.The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
> concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
> Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
> to pack it all in."
>
> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on
> your,uh...equipment?"
>
> "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
> and we can get to work right away."
>
> "Tripod?"
>
> "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
> too big to be held in the hand very long."
>
>At this point Mrs Smith fainted !!
