Author Topic: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.  (Read 95025 times)

Offline LoneWolf

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #45 on: 01/11/07 - 10:47PM »
A little boy was walking down the road when a man drove up behind him and said, "Hey kid, jump in and we will go for a ride".
The kid said, "No", and kept walking.
The man once again pulled up to him and said, "Hey kid, come on and go for a ride with me and I will give you $20.00".
The kid then said, "Look dad, you bought the damn Tracker, you ride in it".
EVERY NORMAL MAN MUST BE TEMPTED AT TIMES TO SPIT ON HIS HANDS, HOIST THE BLACK FLAG, AND BEGIN SLITTING THROATS.

Offline LoneWolf

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #46 on: 01/11/07 - 10:52PM »
How to tell you have OD Green Fever a.k.a. the ?Jeep Restoration Bug?.
You look for Jeeps in movies and TV shows and try to identify the model and date of manufacture.
You set-aside quality time to be spent with your Jeep, and spend more money on it than on your girlfriend.
You have a replacement part in your garage for every drive component on the Jeep
Your "Parts Dept." is on blocks behind your house.
You can be found in the driveway lying under your jeep at 12:50 am
You want to take things apart and rebuild them, even if they are not broken.
You complain about everything, but smile when you fix everything yourself.
Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints.
You remember part numbers easier than your spouse?s birthday
You have to fix almost everything yourself because no one has ever worked on a WWII army vehicle.
You get in your vehicle and are surprised if all of the instruments work.
You consider starting a vehicle five times in any given minute a routine procedure.
You can diagnose a "funny" sound coming from the engine compartment and immediately know how much it will cost to fix and exactly what tools you'll need to fix it
You know a minimum of three long distance numbers to Military Jeep Parts businesses by heart.
When you have all your credit card numbers memorized
Your credit card bill usually has more than 6 Jeep related items on it.
Your wallet is always empty.
You are constantly broke or soon to be broke.
You have the monetary equivalent of a Mercedes sedan invested, but your vehicle still looks like it came out of a crate you bought for $50.
You own a vehicle that weighs 1000 pounds more than when it came off the assembly line because of all the accoutrements you?ve added.
You name your Jeep
You're constantly getting passed on the highway and don?t mind.
When you use your ice scraper on the inside of your windshield.
You get more heat from holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents.  Heater vents? What heater vents?
Radio... what radio?
EVERY NORMAL MAN MUST BE TEMPTED AT TIMES TO SPIT ON HIS HANDS, HOIST THE BLACK FLAG, AND BEGIN SLITTING THROATS.

Offline YJ_Aaron

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #47 on: 01/11/07 - 11:14PM »
Heck Jimmy I thought all of us jeepers were like that, without the military part anyway.  For some reason the heat part really hit home  :confused:
Is it possible for a jeep to ever truely be finished?<br /><br />Only the dead have seen the end of war---Plato

Offline LoneWolf

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #48 on: 01/11/07 - 11:22PM »
your right Aaron we are... haha. I wanted to leave the joke in it's orginal form. because of the title OD Green Fever...
EVERY NORMAL MAN MUST BE TEMPTED AT TIMES TO SPIT ON HIS HANDS, HOIST THE BLACK FLAG, AND BEGIN SLITTING THROATS.

Offline LoneWolf

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #49 on: 01/12/07 - 12:24AM »
Three mechanics were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first mechanic finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.
Turning to the other two, he says, "At Ford, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second mechanic finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every
available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says, "At Chevrolet, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third mechanic finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder: "At Jeep, we don't pee on our hands!"
EVERY NORMAL MAN MUST BE TEMPTED AT TIMES TO SPIT ON HIS HANDS, HOIST THE BLACK FLAG, AND BEGIN SLITTING THROATS.

Offline TanYJ

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #50 on: 01/12/07 - 12:21PM »
A duck hunter shoots a duck, and it falls dead just on the other side of a farmer's fenceline.  The hunter proceeds climbing over the fence to retrieve his duck when the farmer drives up and stops him.  The hunter says "that's my duck, i shot it, and i am not leaving without it!"  The farmer replies "It's my duck, it fell on my property, and you aren't taking it."

They argued back & forth for a few minutes, and finally the farmer says, "OK, here's how we'll solve this.  I'll kick you in the testicles, and then you'll kick me in the testicles, and we'll continue that until only one of us is standing, and the winner takes the duck."  The hunter said fine, you go first.  

The farmer drew back his heavily booted foot & busted him square in his testicles.  The hunter rolled around for a few minutes, puked, and then got up and said "OK, my turn!"

The farmer smiled and replied "You can have that damn duck."
J-ust.................It's
E-mpty.............Hip
E-very............To be
P-ocket.........[-]====[-]
.....The second mouse gets the cheese.....
"Skinny models, you can keep those..I like big corn-fed mid-western ho's"

Offline farmboy

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #51 on: 01/12/07 - 12:49PM »
I don't consider myself a  republican or a democrat, but in the season of nominating canidates for club office, I thought this one needed to be posted.

Drinking Politics    
 
     A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached." The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!" "Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down." "That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?" "Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says. "Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says. So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda." "Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."
Be quick to listen, slow to speek and slow to anger!!

Offline LoneWolf

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #52 on: 01/12/07 - 06:12PM »









FYI: THIS PICTURE IS NOT MEANT TO CREATE CONTROVERSY WITHIN THE
CLUB. JUST FOR THE RECORD ... MY SISTER HAS A YJ...

EVERY NORMAL MAN MUST BE TEMPTED AT TIMES TO SPIT ON HIS HANDS, HOIST THE BLACK FLAG, AND BEGIN SLITTING THROATS.

Offline OldYJ

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #53 on: 01/12/07 - 11:26PM »
well, let take a look............I dont know very many round head light guys that can hang with.....Kyle,Richie,Brian or Derek.... heck I have square head lights and they scare me... :bowdown:


no really those where good Jimmie
"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from
those who are willing to work and give to those who would not"
Thomas Jefferson

Offline Care Bear

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #54 on: 01/17/07 - 10:48PM »
Hello!

My friend sent me this joke today and I thought I would pass it on.  


A Wal-mart manager had to choose a new employee from a few that had been interviewed.  He called each one in to ask them one question and decided the one that answered it the best would fill the position.

He asked the first, "What is the fastest thing you can think of?" and man replied "a thought, it comes with out warning and is there out of the blue.  You can't controll the speed of a thought."

The next answered, "a blink, it happens automatically and you can't really control when it will happens."

The third said, "Well, we have a light switch in our house that controls the light out in our yard and when we hit the switch the light turns on...nothing can beat the spead of light."

Well, thinking he found his guy he asked the third, "What is the fastest thing you know." He replied "Diareah,  before you can think, blink or turn on the light you've messed your pants."
ari
When you get squeezed, the stuff that comes out, is what is on the inside.

Offline DrLewall

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #55 on: 01/18/07 - 12:14AM »
Quote from: "Care Bear"
 before you can think, blink or turn on the light you've messed your pants."


Thats a FACT! Been there, done that! Got the britches to prove it!  :bigeyes:
DrLewall
"Doc"

Offline Care Bear

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #56 on: 01/18/07 - 08:02PM »
EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!
ari
When you get squeezed, the stuff that comes out, is what is on the inside.

Offline TanYJ

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #57 on: 01/27/07 - 10:59AM »
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called ?Beer.?

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large ?kegs?. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that ?something bad? occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life?s savings, in a familiar scam known as ?a relationship.? In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as ?marriage.? Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this ?Beer? scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up ?Golf Courses? in the phone book.

For a video to see how beer works click on web site below: give it just a second to load
 
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax?URL=http://www.brackenspub.com%2Fbeer.swf
J-ust.................It's
E-mpty.............Hip
E-very............To be
P-ocket.........[-]====[-]
.....The second mouse gets the cheese.....
"Skinny models, you can keep those..I like big corn-fed mid-western ho's"

Offline DrLewall

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #58 on: 01/27/07 - 03:27PM »
This has made the rounds, but it still applies...

Wal-Mart Greeter:

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks
into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming
obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome
to Wal-Mart. Nice children you've got there - are they
twins?"

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say,
"Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the
younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're
twins? ... Are you blind or just stupid? Do you really think
they look alike?"

"No", replies the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you
got laid twice."
DrLewall
"Doc"

Offline OJTV8CJ

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Re: bringing back the joke thread
« Reply #59 on: 01/30/07 - 07:12PM »
Will I Live to See 80?

 
 I recently picked a new primary care doctor.  After two visits and
 exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
 A  little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
 "Do  you think I'll live to be 80?"

 He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
 "Oh no," I replied.  "I'm not doing drugs, either!"
 Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
 I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very
 unhealthy!"
 "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,
 hiking, or bicycling?"

 "No, I don't," I said.
 He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
 "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
 He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit?"
I cut sheetmetal for free.  It's fixing it that get's expensive.