Author Topic: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.  (Read 95081 times)

Offline slurveysTJ

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #270 on: 04/10/09 - 07:07PM »
NEW ICE  CREAM
     

     
  In honor  of the 44th President of the United States ,  Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has issued a new flavor, "  Barocky Road ".

Barocky  Road is a blend of half  Vanilla, half Chocolate, and surrounded by Nuts and  Flakes.

The Vanilla portion of the mix is not  openly advertised and usually denied as an  ingredient.

The Nuts and Flakes are all very  bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $1000.00 per scoop to be paid for over the next 99 years.

When purchased it will be presented to  you in a large beautiful cone, but then the Ice Cream is  taken away and given to the person in line behind  you.

Thus you are left with an empty Wallet, no  change, holding an empty cone, with no hope of getting  any Ice Cream.

Aren't you feeling  stimulated? 
1999 Jeep XJ, stock with HP30 and C8.25. I'm sure more will come as the money comes.

Offline farmboy

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #271 on: 04/30/09 - 06:53PM »
I got this in a text the today and thought that I needed to share it.  It might belong in the political thread though.

They said that pigs would fly when a blcak man became president.  After 100 days of his term... bam!!!  SWINE FLU!!

get it?? lol
Be quick to listen, slow to speek and slow to anger!!

Offline YJ_Aaron

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #272 on: 05/27/09 - 05:53PM »
THREE KIDS FISHING
>
>
> Barak Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped,
> fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the secret service agents could get to him, 3 kids rescued him from the water.  He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."

Barak said, "no problem i'll take you there on my special presidential airplane."

The second kid said, "I'll take a new pair of Nike Air Jordans."

Barak replied, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them for you."

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheel chair with a built in tv, and stereo headset."

Barak was a little perplexed by this and said, "but you don't look like your handicapped."

The kid said, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
Is it possible for a jeep to ever truely be finished?<br /><br />Only the dead have seen the end of war---Plato

Offline GHOST00TJ

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extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel
« Reply #273 on: 06/12/09 - 03:14PM »
I  have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) 
   event  at the Ford  Center  next weekend in Beaumont,  Texas,  if
   anybody  wants them.
   
   He's going to try to jump 1,000 Obama supporters with a bulldozer.
   
   Should be a good time.

Offline FlameRed08

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Re: extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel
« Reply #274 on: 06/12/09 - 05:24PM »
I  have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) 
   event  at the Ford  Center  next weekend in Beaumont,  Texas,  if
   anybody  wants them.
   
   He's going to try to jump 1,000 Obama supporters with a bulldozer.
   
   Should be a good time.


Hopefully someone will post a video on youtube!  8)
2008 JK Unlimited X, Flame Red, 4" Superlift, Shrockworks Rails, Elements doors, etc.

Offline LoneWolf

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #275 on: 07/14/09 - 01:48PM »
EVERY NORMAL MAN MUST BE TEMPTED AT TIMES TO SPIT ON HIS HANDS, HOIST THE BLACK FLAG, AND BEGIN SLITTING THROATS.

Offline CRAZY LARRY

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #276 on: 07/14/09 - 02:04PM »
holy $--t batman. I didn't know you were so strong.
Zombie brains; smells like fish taste like chicken.

Offline LibertyPatriot

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #277 on: 07/14/09 - 06:51PM »
Good morning Robin ;)
I'd put something funny here, but you probably wouldn't get it anyway...

Offline grizzly

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #278 on: 07/21/09 - 11:28AM »
IRISH GHOST  STORY

This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale,  it's true.

John  Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the  side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of  him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. 

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.

Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but it never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so,  gathering strength he jumped out of the car and ran to it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed  inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night.  They, like John, were also soaked and out of  breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other.

'Look Paddy there's that idiot that got into the car while we were pushing it!

 

Hmmm ...


Offline grizzly

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #279 on: 07/25/09 - 10:52PM »
 Guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his
 identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home
 but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.
 
 "May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.
 
 "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.
 
 "Sure buddy, I hear that every day.  No ID, no entry," said the agent.
 
 "But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald
 Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other."
 
 "This I gotta see," replied the agent.
 
 With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.
 
 "By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago "
 
 "Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?"
 
 The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."

Offline YJ_Aaron

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #280 on: 08/ 3/09 - 03:59PM »
Is it possible for a jeep to ever truely be finished?<br /><br />Only the dead have seen the end of war---Plato

Offline grizzly

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #281 on: 08/ 5/09 - 01:18AM »
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'


Offline LoneWolf

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #282 on: 08/ 5/09 - 02:14PM »
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.  After they got
their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kimosabe, look
towards sky; what you see?'

The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically
speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies.  Time wise, it
appears to be
Approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the
Lord is all powerful, and we are small and insignificant.
 Meteorologically, it
Seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you,
Tonto?'

'You dumber than buffalo dung.  Someone stole tent.'
EVERY NORMAL MAN MUST BE TEMPTED AT TIMES TO SPIT ON HIS HANDS, HOIST THE BLACK FLAG, AND BEGIN SLITTING THROATS.

Offline YJ_Aaron

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #283 on: 08/ 7/09 - 03:17PM »












Is it possible for a jeep to ever truely be finished?<br /><br />Only the dead have seen the end of war---Plato

Offline OJTV8CJ

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Re: JOKE THREAD. If easily offended do not view this thread.
« Reply #284 on: 08/19/09 - 03:14PM »
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would have been 24 years old now.'
'Yes, I remember him as a baby' says the other mother cheerfully.
He's a martyr now though' mum confides.
'Oh, so sad dear' says the other.

And this is my second son Kalid. He would have been 21.'
'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair
when he was born'.
'He's a martyr too' says mum quietly.
'Oh, gracious me ...' Says the other.

'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.
He would have been 18, she whispers.
'Yes' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first
started school'

'He's a martyr also,' says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks
wistfully at the photographs and says...


'They blow up so fast, don't they...'
I cut sheetmetal for free.  It's fixing it that get's expensive.